Doused in Bleach
by Desperate with Imagination
Summary: A series of drabbles and oneshots featuring an assortment of Bleach characters. Expect various genres and complete randomness!
1. Superheroes

**A/N:** This series is simply a resting place for all my 'homeless' drabbles and oneshots - so be prepared as there will be no continuity, complete randomness, and a variety of genres.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach. It is the property of the awesome Kubo Tite!

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_Superheroes_

Urahara resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall as Ichigo scratched the back of his head, signature scowl in place.

"I still don't get it".

"I know how to explain it," Inoue said brightly.

Everyone regarded her with trepidation, unsure of where her unusual train of thought might lead.

"You've read American comics right, Kurosaki-kun?"

"Sure," Ichigo said cautiously.

"Well you're like the toxic goo that turns ordinary people into superheroes."

"Toxic...goo?"

"Yes, only you're much less slimy and we don't have to fall into you."

"So what you're saying," said Ichigo slowly, "is that my enormous reiatsu is causing the people around me to develop supernatural abilities?"

Inoue nodded happily, while behind her Ishida and Chad attempted to pick their bottom jaws up off the floor.

Ichigo turned towards the shopkeeper.

"What the fuck, Getaboshi. How was that hard to explain?"

.

Unable to fully resist the temptation any longer, Urahara decided to compromise by banging his student's head against the wall instead.


	2. Old Friends

**A/N: **SPOILER: This fic was inspired by the conversation between Urahara and Kurosaki Isshin in manga chapter 188. They seemed kinda chummy and I wondered about their past conversations.

I apologise for the inevitable spelling and grammar errors.

**DISClAIMER: **You know the drill. Bleach is the property of Kubo Tite.

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_Old Friends_

Isshin took a small sip from his cup, his eyes uncharacteristically shrewd as he looked over the rim at Urahara.

"I have to admit," he said, carefully setting the sake back upon the table, "I was hoping that we would have a little more time."

Urahara smiled slightly as he fiddled with the bottle.

"You just want more time for the boy."

Isshin grunted.

"He's to young," he said, "if Masaki were alive she'd kill me."

"It can't be helped, my friend. The circumstances are too perfect. If we fail to take advantage of them we may lose our slight edge over Aizen."

"We have one?"

Urahara covered a sly smile with his fan.

"Whatever," Isshin said with a pout, "keep your damned secrets if it makes you happy."

"But I-kun," he replied sweetly, "if I tell you everything I'll lose my mysterious aura."

Isshin grumbled moodily.

"With that hat I'd say it was more of a ridiculous aura. I'm surprised Yoru-chan hasn't made you burn the damn thing."

It was Urahara's turn to sulk.

"I like it. It goes with my outfit."

Isshin cleared his throat.

"Will the girls be in danger?"

"I'll be there to intervene should anything go wrong."

Isshin took another sip of sake.

"That isn't exactly comforting."

Urahara immediately adopted an expression of wounded pride.

"It's the plan I'm questioning, not your abilities," said Isshin, absentmindedly rubbing the back of his head, "and what you're asking of me isn't exactly easy."

"Whatever do you mean I-kun," said his friend, elegantly waving his fan, "all I want is your co-operation and your first-born child."

Isshin threw his cup at the shop-keeper's forehead, relieved that his friend made no attempt to dodge it.

"At least you're feeling guilty about it," he said begrudgingly.

Urahara raised a hand, pulling his hat off and holding it against his chest.

"What I'm really asking for," he said, completely abandoning his irresponsible alter-ego, "is your trust."

"I'd throw the bottle at you if it was empty," the other man said with a scowl, "I wouldn't be here if you didn't have that."

Urahara replaced his hat with a flourish and blew a kiss towards his friend. Isshin let out another snort.

"I want some answers first, mysterious aura be damned."

"I'd expect nothing less from you, but first, let's go over the plan."

"Sure thing." Isshin took a long sip from the bottle.

Both men looked expectantly at each for a full three minutes.

"Fine," snapped Isshin, "I guess _I'll_ go over it."

"Just want to make sure you understand everything," said Urahara, smiling cheerfully at his friend's irritation.

"Well from what I _understand_, you lure a hollow towards my house. A shinigami will appear. I'll let the hollow hurt the girls and myself. The shinigami will, for some inexplicable reason, transfer their powers to my son. Leaving them powerless and my son with the ability to kill hollows. Then you will show up, mysteriously of course, and modify the memories of everyone except myself and Ichigo and offer the shinigami a gigai."

"I'm getting the impression that you don't like my plan."

Isshin groaned.

"Have you listened to it? Damn it Kisuke, there are so many things that could go wrong it makes me want to cry. To be fair, if it involved another family I would probably laugh, but this is _my_ family," he said, reaching over to grab the front of Urahara's coat and lowering his voice to a threatening growl, "and if anything happens to them I will kill you."

The shopkeeper laughed nervously, waving his fan so that the air hit both their faces.

"Trust me?"

Isshin released Urahara and sank back into his former position looking mournfully into the mostly empty bottle.

"I'm getting too old for this shit. It was fun when we were seventy, but now I have children and responsibilities and a crazy friend who wants to get us all killed."

Urahara stopped waving his fan, closing it briskly and rapping his friend over the head with it.

"It's going to work," he said confidently.

Rubbing his head, Isshin shot the shop keeper a resentful glare.

"But how the hell are you going to get the shinigami to follow the plan?"

Urahara sighed.

"One secret. That's all you're getting."

Isshin immediately stopped sulking and leaned forward attentively.

"Your son looks a lot like someone she used to know."

Isshin looked at the other man thoughtfully.

"And that's going to work?"

"Absolutely."

Urahara watched as his friend looked pensively into the bottle.

"This Shinigami," he said after a few minutes of brooding, "does she have daughter-in-law potential?"

The shopkeeper smiled wickedly.

"Your son doesn't stand a chance."

Isshin solemnly raised the bottle.

"Well, at least I can drink to that."


End file.
